Then I jump out, grab them by the leg, shake the shit out of them and eat 'em!" Ah!" says the big Crocodile, "I think I see your problem. You're not getting any real nourishment. You see, by the time you finish shaking the shit out of a politician, there's nothing left but an asshole and a briefcase."The Difference between Grandpa and Grandma Have you ever wondered what the difference is between Grandmothers and Grandfathers? Well, here it is:There was this loving grandfather who always made a special effort to spend time with his son's family on weekends. Every Saturday morning he would take his 5-year-old grandson out for a drive in the car for some quality time -- pancakes, ice cream, candy-- just him and his grandson.One particular Saturday, however, he had a terrible cold and could not get out of bed. He knew his grandson always looked forward to their drives and would be very disappointed. Luckily, his wife came to the rescue and said that she would take their grandson for his. But to him it was all part of the role he’d chosen.I looked back up at Simon. One of the gold chains had a state-of-the-art jump-drive hanging from it. He saw me looking and automatically reached a hand to his neck.“What’s that?” I asked pointing. I studiously tried to focus my attention back on my computer screen. I glanced back up. He had a pursed-lip smile that I recognized as Simon when he perceived he had been too, too clever.“That is my life insurance policy,” he said. “If anything ever happens to me, all you have to do is look on this and you will know exactly who the villain is. You cracked my laptop, long before I gave you my password, and found lots of interesting things, but what’s on here, you can’t imagine. It’s my insurance policy. Anything happens to me, I release this. Instant calamity, earth-shaking disaster that would collapse the economies of half a dozen countries and even more businesses. Bradley and Brenda think I kept everything on my computer. The real goods.
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